And there have been consequences to the moral decay of this country caused by the gays and the acceptance of their lifestyle, and there will be more! 9/11, AIDS, Obama's election, Hurricane Katrina-- –And Sandy, oh and don't forget that Japanese tsunami, and fire ants! All because of the gays. –Well, you know, I consider myself a god-fearing Christian, but I find it hard to believe that the gays wield enough power to control the weather... and disease... and insects.
'Twas the city of Townsville, and all through the town, all the townsfolk are stirring as snow is falling down. It's bitter and freezing in the dead of December, but there's reason for joy if you can remember. For it's this time of year that our story unfolds, when our hearts are the warmest despite all the cold. Yes, it is Christmas, just two days before, and all through the town none can wait anymore for the timely arrival of one certain fat guy who brings us all goodies from out of the sky. Full of anticipation are these urban folks, none more-so than the students at old Pokey Oaks.
Budweiser presents: Real American Heroes. –♪ Real American Heroes ♫ –Today we salute you, Mr. Grocery Store Cart Wrangler. –♪ Mr. Grocery Store Cart Wrangler ♫ –Any wienie can stock a shelf, but it takes a real man to wrestle an untamed herd of jammed-together grocery carts. –♪ Gotta keep 'em movin' ♫ –There are 20 strays in the lot and weather setting in. Who's gonna bring those doggies safely back inside? –♪ Who's it gonna be? ♫ –The man in the smock and the comfortable shoes, that's who. –♪ Don't mock my smock ♫ –So this Bud's for you, Mr. Grocery Store Cart Wrangler. As far as we're concerned, you put the super in supermarket. –♪ Mr. Grocery Store Cart Wrangler ♫
Budweiser presents: Real American Heroes. –♪ Real American Heroes ♫ –Today we salute you, Mr. Really Bad Toupee Wearer. –♪ Mr. Really Bad Toupee Wearer ♫ –More than any neon sign or exploding scoreboard ever could, your chrome-dome cover says "Hey, guys, look at me." –♪ What could you be thinkin'? ♫ –You think it looks "natural", but it couldn't look phonier if it had a chin-strap. –♪ Couldn't fool a blind man ♫ –Made of space-age fibers, it can repel anything: rain, wind, snow, and especially young women. –♪ I don't think so ♫ –So crack open an ice-cold Budweiser, Mr. Stud In A Rug, then crack open another for that thing on your head. –♪ I don't think it's on straight ♫