You know, I. Magnin is having a sale on go-go boots. We could make a day of it. –Go-go boots? They're about as ancient as a hoop-skirt. –Then I could use your able assistance as fashion consultant. –Well, my first bit of advice, mother, would be to cancel your next facelift and start acting your age.
Mother, I told you a lie. –Hmm? –I didn't come home because of an anti-war demonstration. They kicked my ass out of that college. Bastards. They said I was a bad influence. –On the other students? –On the faculty. They said I was a sexual magnet. –I imagine it was some predatory, older woman. –Dr. Crenshaw is a man. –And you were alone with him. –Oh, not alone. There were eight of them. The entire Math Department, in fact. The Dean said-- Well, he said I instigated a homosexual orgy in the Faculty Lounge. They found me being spun around nude on the Lazy Susan.
Mama! I'm gay. –I know you're gay! I've known you're gay since you were five-years-old and you wanted that doll Suzie Q for Christmas instead of the dump truck your daddy wanted to buy for you. I know you're gay, Ty. I've always known, but could we please just bury your grandmother and get on with life, could we?! Because I think I'm going to explode any minute if any more shit hits the fan today!