A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum

I'm a disgrace to my family. My father will turn in his grave. –Your father is alive. –This will kill him.

People do not go around freeing slaves every day. –Be the first; start a fashion.

The time is up! Ransack the house!

If I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times! Do not fan the girls when they're wet! But you never learn; you'll be a eunuch all your life.

Is that disgraceful? –There's no way to make it sound like an achievement.

A lesson to remember: never fall in love during a total eclipse.

Thank you, citizens. Do not fear, he will be punished.

Stand aside, everyone! I take large steps.

Is it... Is it contagious? –You ever see a plague that wasn't?

I shall be back in a nonce. At most, two nonces.

I live to grovel.